Welcome to Adulthood
When I was 16, I was hopeful. I was going to get out of the Hell that we call high school and go to college where I would blossom into an intelligent woman. I would eventually get a good paying job as a political commentator or something in the journalism field and I would be living in a big city.. I’m not so hopeful now. In fact, I’m downright cynical. I know there’s no way I’m getting out of Iowa or finding a job outside mortgage servicing. Any hope I have is that one day someone will notice my passion for politics and will hire me as a campaign manager.
I’m more sarcastic. Life has thrown me more than my share of curve balls. Those curve balls have made me a stronger person. With that strength came sarcasm. I often find myself using sarcasm as a defense mechanism to hide my true feelings about myself and other people. I’ve been hurt not just by some of the guys I dated in the past but by certain people I thought were my friends that I eventually had to dump. I build up walls of sarcasm so that people don’t see my weaknesses and use them against me later. I know that’s really childish but when you get burned by people you trust one too many times, you eventually stop trusting people. It’s working out for me so far but I have to tell you that hiding true emotions isn’t always easy. Some days I am just not happy but I do my best to fake it so I don’t have to let people inside my head. There are times though where I wonder if what’s rolling around in my mind are the same thoughts other people have rolling around in theirs.
My creativity went to pot in my adulthood. When I was in high school, I wrote short stories and I would share some of them with my friends (Jamie was my biggest fan). Now, I don’t think I could write a short story to save my life. Political commentary - yes. Blogging - yes. Writing stories - absolutely not. I can pinpoint the exact moment my creativity left my body. COLLEGE!!!! Yep. I got to college and I had so much required reading and writing that my short stories stopped - for good. I’ve tried to write a story many times but college sucked out all my creativity… much like life sucked away my hope.
I’m sure that these feelings are normal for any adult. They get older and see life for what it really is… it’s harder than you thought and a lot less exciting than you hoped for. I’m starting to realize what my parents meant when they told me (when I was 16) “These are the best years of your life! Enjoy them!” I wish I had taken them a little more seriously.
