It’s All About Me
Scott has been away on a fishing trip for the past week which has allowed me time for some quiet reflection and some time to focus on me. That is in no way a reflection on my husband although that’s always the joke within the family. “Hooray! Scott is gone!” I have never needed lots of friends, only the peace and quiet that my soul craves. I am a person who needs lots of time alone. Scott respects my alone time and I am grateful to have his support and understanding. However, having the entire house to myself and being on my own schedule (eat when I want, watch TV when and where I want, etc).
On Friday, I was told that a guy who was politically involved and who had served in
Iraq was dead. It is still a mystery to me exactly what had happened and it certainly caused some unexplained feelings to rise up in my heart. You see, he died over Memorial Day weekend. Since I had just seen him that Friday and he appeared to be healthy, I couldn’t imagine a 20-something year old guy would just drop dead. It couldn’t be a vehicle or drowning accident because we would have known about it within 24 hours of it happening thanks to the media. So, that only left us to speculate exactly what happened. I think we can all agree that he killed himself. He was a guy that went to events and we would sit and talk for a while. He was someone who was a little more than an acquaintance but less than an actual best friend. So, I don’t claim to be hurting any where near as much as his family is. What hurts more than that I feel angry that he did something that at one point in my life I had thought about doing myself. Whenever a friend or even an acquaintance takes their life, it conjures up a lot of those feelings. Don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t ever take my life. I could never inflict that kind of pain on my family and leave them wondering if it was something they did or said that made me do it. I just can’t grasp how anyone could do it. I was an open and shut case. It was ugly in the beginning when everything came to a head, I got help, I got medication and moved on. It’s sad that he couldn’t do the same. I want to be angry though because he took the wimpy way out. I have that right, don’t I? To be angry?
On Saturday, I was able to get down to Iowa City for some good old ‘hanging out’ with myself. It’s something I love to do but never get much of a chance to do it any more. I’m not quite sure I’ll go down there again. I always knew that Iowa City leaned a little of the liberal side. I mean, the University of Iowa is located there so of course it’s going to be liberal. But I quickly found out that it wasn’t just liberal but it wandered off the reservation and apparently I was not alerted before I jumped in my car and made the road trip. I wanted to go to the Haunted Book Shop which is a place I had never been. All the way down I thought about how a bookstore could still be haunted after recently moving locations. Anyway, as I do in every bookstore I enter, I head for the Current Affairs section. To my shock and dismay, I found zip, zero, nada books that were conservative. Not even one in the realm of Ron Paul, libertarian! All of them, yes, all of them were Michael Moore and Keith Olberman and a few others of their ilk. I eventually just wandered around to see if anything unique caught my eye like an Irish language book or a good paranormal book when I book in the “Women’s Studies” area caught my eye. It was entitled “Women on the Right.” I thought maybe I had found a diamond in the rough. Nope! It was pretty much about if you believe abortion is wrong then you are setting back the women’s movement 100 years.
I moved on. I went to my very favorite bookstore in Iowa City – Prairie Lights Bookstore. Only I found the same dilemma. There was one book by Ann Coulter on the shelves. I wondered why out of all the great conservative books coming out in the market, did they choose an Ann Coulter book. After having some coffee on their second floor, I came to the conclusion that they wanted to paint all of us as Ann Coulter types that appear angry and in your face. Nothing against Ann. She’s one of my favorites even though she can be quite abrasive. She’s not for everyone. I chuckled though. I’m aware of just about every liberal book out there but Prairie Lights had some I had never heard of before. I left shaking my head.
I did find a great shop that made my trip worth it. It was a shop called Revival. It was a consignment shop that sold some really awesome clothing for a great price. I came out with a skirt, a shirt and a little sweater for like $22. I also stopped by Ebeys to pick up some new fiddle music – the shop owner was great and let me inside even though they had closed already. I then made my way to Coral Ridge Mall to shop the stores that we don’t have at home.
Much of my other time with Scott away was working on my violin and fiddle music and spending time at Greg and Jolene’s house. While I’ve had a lot of me time and had time to slow down and think, I’m ready for Scott to come home. Going to bookstores without him is just not the same and not being able to share any good (or as the case was – bad) with him. I’m now starting to realize that this house feels big and I’m starting to feel a little – dare I say it – lonely.
