Chelleology

Last weekend I was at the video store randomly picking out movies.  I had actually given up hope that there were any good movies in the new release section.  My friends have heard me over and over again say that movies aren’t what they used to be and that new movies were just remakes of classics and no one in
Hollywood had an original thought or idea.  So, with little expectation I grabbed a couple of movies – only skimming the back of the box.  I grabbed a movie with Kirk Cameron in it knowing that it was likely a Christian movie but I wanted to see how Kirk looked these days.  The movie was “Fireproof”.

I watched it knowing that the actors were relatively new and had no acting experience.  I was pleasantly surprised.  I felt inspired – something that doesn’t happen very often.  I told my husband about it the next day and he said he wanted to see it because he heard great things about it.  We watched it and after a couple of days, I noticed that we were treating each other better.  We were never downright mean to each other but we certainly took each other for granted.  This movie changed that.

I began to think about my own Christianity.  The truth is that these days, I’m not a very good Christian.  I swear like a sailor, I have a lot of anger in my heart and I just don’t spend enough time with Him.  My Christian morals and values are still strong but I don’t do anything beyond what makes me happy at any given moment.

The truth is that in high school and in college, I was full of hope for the future and I felt God’s presence in my life constantly.  I made plans for the future fully expecting that He would be standing next to me and cheering me on the whole time.  But within a year of my college graduation, I couldn’t feel him any more.  I can’t pinpoint the exact moment or even an event when I noticed it.  I honestly think that life has made me cynical.  I was diagnosed with depression when I was 20 and have battled it ever since so that didn’t help matters.  I realized that I could no longer feel his presence when I was at the bookstore last night.  I picked up the book “Rachel’s Tears” and began to read.  Rachel was the first girl killed at Columbine and her parents wrote a book about her undying faith in God.  It was because of her faith that she died.  This inspired me.  In a world so full of hate and so full of evil, I realized that one day I could be looking down the barrel of a gun declaring my faith.  Would I have done the same?  Would I want to live so badly that I would deny God?  Or do I have the strength to stand my ground?

Similar topics have come up in my life but in a political sense.  I once told someone that if our politicians brought back the Fairness Doctrine, I would risk years in jail breaking the law.  When it came to Nationalized Health Care, I told my husband that I would die of malnutrition as a result of my Crohn’s Disease before getting on government health care.  The government could fine me all day long.  Without a doubt, I will risk the negative consequences of my politics but would I do the same for God?

It has been quite an exciting couple of weeks.  I came back from Mayo with some news I didn’t want to hear, I started my new job, met some fun people and was interviewed by the local paper.

I came back from Mayo on July 2^nd.  My Crohn’s disease is back and of course I was classified with gluten intolerance.  So, here I am back on strong drugs and a strict diet.  I did my share of crying and dealing with angst over what I was going to tell my friends about going out for beer night.  I absolutely refuse to talk about it with anyone other than Scott because I would rather just deal with it in my own personal way then having to sit there and field questions from my friends and then feel like they are making sacrifices hanging out with me.  Right now I feel okay.  I think the only thing that kills me is not being able to just pop in at a fast food place and order something.  I have to plan all my meals and that is so not me.

I started my new job.  Overall, I’m excited.  This is a whole different ballgame for me.  I went from a job I hated where I had too much on my plate and no one cared.  To a place where I have a busy day but I’m not overwhelmed and that there is someone there who can help me when I need help.  I’m doing really well at my job and I really think this job suits me.  I like the people I work with and I think they like me. 

Yesterday, I was interviewed by the local paper about the Sotomayor confirmation hearings.  As a conservative, you really have to be on guard when being interviewed by a liberal newspaper like our local paper.  But I muddled through it, carefully thinking about each of my answers before expressing them.  I worried all day that they would take my words out of context.  The story came out this afternoon and it’s not the quote I wanted and felt he purposely took the weakest quote he could but it was still pretty decent.  The guy at work that trained me read the story and kind of snickered.  Later on, he introduced me to a guy who also worked in our office and who made the opposing comment to the same reporter.  What were the chances that the reporter would pick two people with opposite points of view that worked for the same company?  I don’t think it will be a negative thing.  I get the impression most people in the company are pretty middle of the road and maybe even lean to the right so I’m not really outnumbered.