Chelleology

Growing up, my parents insisted that I do well in school.  They didn’t care if I was the prettiest girl in school, the most popular or the most athletic.  They wanted me to be the smartest and the most likely to succeed.  I definitely disappointed in that area.  I wasn’t a bad student.  I did quite well actually.  I was a great writer and an excellent debater, but I was not the smartest and I was not the most likely to succeed.

I went to college because it was drilled into my head by the adults in my life that that is what I had to do to ensure I would be successful.  Everything I wanted to do (mostly write), required a college degree.  Of course, once I got that Bachelor’s degree, my father told me not to get my Masters degree because “I would educate myself out of a job”.  So, in May 1998, my education ended.

I tell you this only because what I grew up listening to was a great big crock!  Don’t get me wrong, I do not regret my four years in college.  If anything, I wish I had been on the five year plan that seemed so popular to some students around me.  I enjoyed learning about who I was, free from the reins of my parents.  I enjoyed hanging in limbo between being adult enough to handle my school work but still irresponsible enough to do stupid stuff… like binge drinking and going out at three in the morning in search of some magazine that showed Brad Pitt with his shirt off. 

However, college didn’t do the one thing that the adults in my life said it would… make me happy and successful and financially comfortable.  I have smidgeons of happiness in my life.  I have a supportive husband, I have a handful of close friends and I live in a community where just about everyone knows my name.  I would have had those things even without college. 

I’m certainly not successful.  Who walks away from a career in television news just because they suffered a life altering illness or because they had a bully for a boss?  I did.  Apparently, college didn’t teach me how to cope when life suddenly throws you a curve ball.  Perhaps that course was offered during my sophomore year while I was busy binge drinking and being self destructive.  A successful person doesn’t, at 26, work beside college students at a local restaurant because you left the one thing you went to college for and you still have to make the rent.  I now work for an ad agency that I’m suddenly discovering that I hate.  It’s not because I can’t handle the work.  It apparently is because I don’t fit some mold that others expect I should fit into.  I do not feel like I have any allies and it sucks.  No one knows me or even made an attempt to get to know me which is really sad.  Gosh! Get to know someone and then if you don’t like them, don’t associate with them.  It’s as simple as that.  Don’t discard them because they’re not beautiful or because they are a few years older than you and getting drunk on Friday night isn’t fun for them any more. 

As for being financially comfortable, it depends on who you are referring to.  My husband makes the money, I don’t.  I have no problems with that but when you think of how much my parents spent to educate me… that’s disappointing.  I live in a house that isn’t as nice as most of my friends.  The sump pump floods when it rains hard, I can’t run the hair dryer at the same time the dishwasher is going and I have to store kitchen appliances in the guest bedroom closet because my kitchen is tiny.  We don’t take a yearly vacation.  Instead, we have to space out our vacations in order to afford them which means I rarely see my family (which sometimes is a blessing but most of the time I do miss them). 

Looking back, I realize that college taught me how to funnel a beer, sneak into bars and live off of $3 a day so I could afford my alcohol.  But it didn’t teach me how to handle scary illnesses, work place bullies or how to function in a too small house far away from family.

So, I guess the bottom line is that if you have kids, let them grow into who they’re going to be.  Be honest with them.  College doesn’t guarantee success.  And kids… don’t feel pressured to go to college.  Join the military… see the world… work in a grocery store… be a stay home mom or dad.  All of these are valid options so long as they make you happy.  My only request is to do something so that you are a contributing member to society.  Do a job, pay your taxes and parent your kids.